Yeah, I know, I know... Back once again with the as-it-happens chat through the latest Big Brother contestants within this series, apologies if you hate this but it's a guilty pleasure I can't shake!
First up, Shaun Williamson (aka Barry from Eastenders) who seems like a thoroughly likeable chap (which means that a load of twats will follow him in!) I have never watched Eastenders, so I have no previous knowledge of him besides them chanting "BARRY! BARRY! BARRY!"
They give him an immediate task of him being a nervous housemate, a super-nervous housemate, so that will be great.
Stockport's Premier Girls Aloud member is next, Sarah Harding, fresh from addiction to most things that can be imbibed, it's your traditional 'You don't really know me' angle...
Some proper posh sod from 'Made in Chelsea' is third in, he appeared to get completely the wrong idea of what 'beef curtains' are too! If that's possible... He also says to Emma "I don't know anyone coming in!" then as soon as he is cocooned in the house, he utters "I knew you were coming in!" to Shaun. Jesus.
An advert for Nikki Grahame (former BB loudmouth) being in therapy is tossed into the break, without a thought for what these lab rats are going to go through in the coming weeks...
Confirmed sham and a liar Derek Acorah is next! A man who claimed to speak to the dead but was proven to be a charlatan, are they taking the piss?! Emma manages to not appear to be chortling too much at him throughout their pre-interview... prior to a man heckling him from the crowd by shouting "MARY LOVES DICKS!" His idols are Johnny Depp and Mother Teresa, please let this guy win!
A 'Mob Wife' called Marissa from the TV show, at least she admits that they've done it for the money, an utter longshot to win. Someone takes the piss by putting a dance version of the Jeremy Kyle theme tune on when she makes her entrance.
One of that Londoner couple on Gogglebox, TV truly eating itself here. She's called Sandi and a Grandparent apparently. She also may be a dark horse for the win.
Some meathead called Chad from the Bachelorette, this guy must be 99% ego and he pretends to fuck a beach ball in his intro. He's single, can't think why...
Fair play to Helen Lederer for admitting that she likes to drink and isn't a celebrity... She says a bunch of acerbic things, she'll probably be someone I find amusing but gets put in the background as there are people fucking and shouting each other in front of her...
Toni assumed when the word 'monobrow' was mentioned, it would be Liam Gallagher, sadly not... It's Karthik from The Apprentice. This man is ridiculous and a perpetual PR machine for himself, can he really be like this the whole time?
Some alkie, plastic surgeon addicted lady from a reality show in Beverly Hills is next. She swears in a prolific way, so at least it could be an entertaining road accident...
Jordan from 'Ibiza Weekender', never heard of him. He's a tool though, shouts 'Let's have ITTTT!' repeatedly and speaks about himself in the third person. THAT type of mentalist.
Some broad called Tricia from Youtube, who speaks fast and thinks that plastic surgery on everything is great. Admittedly, she's laudable as she isn't shamed by her weight but she has a laugh like the crazed daughter when she stabs people in bunny costumes in 'House of 1000 Corpses'...
A lady called Jemma with a fuckload of tats and only has sex on TV, genuine celebrity here, folks! The tattoo of a panther above her breasts is pretty cool but she wants to get naked but if you're over 75 you can't, hypocrisy much?
Me and Toni hope that someone from the best/worst reality show ever 'Amish Mafia' is one of the guests, so him and the Mob Wife can argue and I would ask the Amish gangster if he would do a drive by of the Mob Wife in a horse and cart!
Moving on... Amelia Lily is someone from the X-Factor, she is thick as fuck, judging by her asking if Hillary owns Clinton Cards and pissed herself on the London Eye, let's hope for a repeat of that!
Paul Danan, dressed as an Oompah Loompah, apparently. He went from Hollyoaks to working in recruitment and STILL was having people sabotage his Wikipedia with faux-hilarious stories about him, according to Private Eye. Can't wait to see that game being resurrected!
1st Night Odds:
5-1 - Shaun Williamson
8-1 - Sandi Bogle
10-1 - Amelia Lily, Paul Danan, Sarah Harding
12-1 - Jordan Davies, Karthik Nagesan
14-1 - Jemma Lucy
16-1 - Helen Lederer, Trisha Paytas
22-1 - Rosanna Davison
25-1 - Chad Johnson
30-1 - Derek Acorah
33-1 - Brandi Glanville, Marissa Jade
First up, Shaun Williamson (aka Barry from Eastenders) who seems like a thoroughly likeable chap (which means that a load of twats will follow him in!) I have never watched Eastenders, so I have no previous knowledge of him besides them chanting "BARRY! BARRY! BARRY!"
They give him an immediate task of him being a nervous housemate, a super-nervous housemate, so that will be great.
Stockport's Premier Girls Aloud member is next, Sarah Harding, fresh from addiction to most things that can be imbibed, it's your traditional 'You don't really know me' angle...
Some proper posh sod from 'Made in Chelsea' is third in, he appeared to get completely the wrong idea of what 'beef curtains' are too! If that's possible... He also says to Emma "I don't know anyone coming in!" then as soon as he is cocooned in the house, he utters "I knew you were coming in!" to Shaun. Jesus.
An advert for Nikki Grahame (former BB loudmouth) being in therapy is tossed into the break, without a thought for what these lab rats are going to go through in the coming weeks...
Confirmed sham and a liar Derek Acorah is next! A man who claimed to speak to the dead but was proven to be a charlatan, are they taking the piss?! Emma manages to not appear to be chortling too much at him throughout their pre-interview... prior to a man heckling him from the crowd by shouting "MARY LOVES DICKS!" His idols are Johnny Depp and Mother Teresa, please let this guy win!
A 'Mob Wife' called Marissa from the TV show, at least she admits that they've done it for the money, an utter longshot to win. Someone takes the piss by putting a dance version of the Jeremy Kyle theme tune on when she makes her entrance.
One of that Londoner couple on Gogglebox, TV truly eating itself here. She's called Sandi and a Grandparent apparently. She also may be a dark horse for the win.
Some meathead called Chad from the Bachelorette, this guy must be 99% ego and he pretends to fuck a beach ball in his intro. He's single, can't think why...
Fair play to Helen Lederer for admitting that she likes to drink and isn't a celebrity... She says a bunch of acerbic things, she'll probably be someone I find amusing but gets put in the background as there are people fucking and shouting each other in front of her...
Toni assumed when the word 'monobrow' was mentioned, it would be Liam Gallagher, sadly not... It's Karthik from The Apprentice. This man is ridiculous and a perpetual PR machine for himself, can he really be like this the whole time?
Some alkie, plastic surgeon addicted lady from a reality show in Beverly Hills is next. She swears in a prolific way, so at least it could be an entertaining road accident...
Jordan from 'Ibiza Weekender', never heard of him. He's a tool though, shouts 'Let's have ITTTT!' repeatedly and speaks about himself in the third person. THAT type of mentalist.
Some broad called Tricia from Youtube, who speaks fast and thinks that plastic surgery on everything is great. Admittedly, she's laudable as she isn't shamed by her weight but she has a laugh like the crazed daughter when she stabs people in bunny costumes in 'House of 1000 Corpses'...
A lady called Jemma with a fuckload of tats and only has sex on TV, genuine celebrity here, folks! The tattoo of a panther above her breasts is pretty cool but she wants to get naked but if you're over 75 you can't, hypocrisy much?
Me and Toni hope that someone from the best/worst reality show ever 'Amish Mafia' is one of the guests, so him and the Mob Wife can argue and I would ask the Amish gangster if he would do a drive by of the Mob Wife in a horse and cart!
Moving on... Amelia Lily is someone from the X-Factor, she is thick as fuck, judging by her asking if Hillary owns Clinton Cards and pissed herself on the London Eye, let's hope for a repeat of that!
Paul Danan, dressed as an Oompah Loompah, apparently. He went from Hollyoaks to working in recruitment and STILL was having people sabotage his Wikipedia with faux-hilarious stories about him, according to Private Eye. Can't wait to see that game being resurrected!
1st Night Odds:
5-1 - Shaun Williamson
8-1 - Sandi Bogle
10-1 - Amelia Lily, Paul Danan, Sarah Harding
12-1 - Jordan Davies, Karthik Nagesan
14-1 - Jemma Lucy
16-1 - Helen Lederer, Trisha Paytas
22-1 - Rosanna Davison
25-1 - Chad Johnson
30-1 - Derek Acorah
33-1 - Brandi Glanville, Marissa Jade